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Denial Queen September 27, 2007

Posted by bebenibadoodles in Bitches and Brats.
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I am a very hard headed eldest child to two younger siblings, a girl and a boy. My sister and i are not the enviable epitome of “come-here-gimme-a-hug” kind of sisters. I am more inclined to be the distant and “leave-me-alone” kind of person.

We both grew up like cats and dogs. We are the sweetest pair one minute the the worst enemies before the minute ends. I remember in our youth… our parents were desperately trying to create a bonded relationship between us.

They came up with a great idea of buying us a king sized bed and gave us our own room. But not even the bed nor the room ignited any spark of friendship between us. Oftentimes, we would wrestle with each other like blood hungry beasts trying to manifest domination and authority over the other.

We may not be the best friends in the whole wide world, but it is with pride that i could claim the i have the best sister there ever is. She has always been my protector against all the insecurities of growing up and adolescent identity crisis.

She has always been the tough shield that i held on to and hid behind when i had to face the consequences of my growing up years. I am two years older but she is always better at protecting and taking care of me.

It is with tears in my eyes that i write this with the fear that envelopes my entire being as she is about to go to another country in response to the call of better career opportunities.

She is supposed to be the Maid Of Honor for the most special day of my life and it has indeed been hard to decide on who is worthy enough to step into the shoes that perfectly fits hers.

Her flight abroad is yet to be determined, but this is the first time ever that i am missing her so badly that i just want her to stay close to me.

Now i understand what she must have dealt with when we announced our engagement and she came to Mama saying, “Badoodles is taking my sister away from me!”   Suddenly, it feels as if her future is taking her away from me…. but how can i be so selfish to not let her fly like the way she allowed me to!

Bebe Brat September 20, 2007

Posted by bebenibadoodles in Workaholic Bebe.
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It is close to midnight and what better way to spend a time like this than be in the comfort of your own home sleeping like a princess…

When i was young, my sister told me that if you look at an old mirror at 12MN and you wish hard enough, the mirror will show you your soulmate.  As a kid i had a very insatiable thirst for adventure and anything that is beyond normal reason, but i never came close to testing her hypothesis.

My grandparents had this life sized mirror that they had since the war and has been hanging in the wall since i could remember, but to this day i could not dare to even glance at my reflection in it.

Come to think of it, had i the courage to face that mirror of destiny, who would i have seen? Maybe i would just have scared myself to death looking at my horrible reflection with the burning lamp in my hand.

I am starting to go a little irrational as of the moment. I am lightyears away from being finished and more lightyears away from getting a good night’s sleep.

I’d bet my boss is now snoring while i am still here burning my midnight oil. Not intentionally sour graping, but at the end of it all, it is my responsibility to produce my deliverables on time and it does not matter whether i sleep on it or not.

It is a self imposed rule that i don’t deserve to rest until everything has been put to place.  I just wish tomorrow would have been a holiday!

Crazy Little Me September 13, 2007

Posted by bebenibadoodles in Mental Detour.
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My life is an endless series of trials and errors to get things done my way, in exactly the manner i want it done. Perfection as mybebe tells me often is not the only way to live and be truly happy in this life. I guess i am just a little off the norm and whether mybebe likes it or not, he will have to live with the very unusual way i live my life.

As i have been tagged, so must i answer: what are the 8 crazy things i have done to justify my human existence:

1.  Enrol in Law School believing that i can prove to the world that i can be a Lawyer, only to discover later that i would rather break the law than construe it.  Funny thing though is that because mybebe has become the Student Council President, i found my way to fame (which by the way i enjoyed so much) when the Dean tagged me as First Lady and everyone in Law School started to recognize me.

2.  I have turned sleeping anytime and anywhere as a hobby rather than a physiological need. In fact, just recently i fell off my chair in the bus because i was so deep in slumber, i totally forgot that i was in a moving vehicle.  Just got a bruised knee and a slight foot sprain that hurts like hell.

3.  My head is harder than the coconut. Whenever i want something done, it has to be done in exactly the manner and output i expect.  The same reason why i don’t delegate because i hate explaining and not getting the result i want.

4. I have an over bloated ego and i feel like i am the most superior person in the whole wide world. Somehow, i have found a way of getting through the rough patches of day to day living without being the cry baby that i used to be.

5.  I believe that painful encounters with people subside with time, but the memory of the hurt remains no matter how long it takes.  It is easy for the heart to forgive but very difficult for the mind to forget.

6.  Daddy and I are not like the usual father – daughter tandem who talk for ages. I didn’t grow up like that, but Dadda knows that he is loved way beyond the moon and the stars. Just got so lucky to have such a great father.

7.  I am very conscious about putting on additional weight. In fact, i almost became anorexic when i was in high school because i was so worried about putting on extra pounds i started skipping my meals.  

8.  People who keep on asking if mybebe and i are on our way to parenthood annoy me so much. Despite my erratic moods and my neurotic thoughts, i still believe in the sanctity of marriage. Besides, i would want my parents to be really proud of their first born and my siblings to have a moral example to look up to.

At the end of my life, i want people to remember me as someone who has lived a full life and would be a shining example of humility and passion to the succeeding generations that will be a part of the family that my parents have started and loved. When all else fails in life… i shall have one good thing to hold on to… that i have spent a life well lived.