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when the going gets tough September 18, 2008

Posted by bebenibadoodles in Bitches and Brats.

I am 6 months pregnant and broke.

Life is a mess. I work for a multi national company that pays big time, but i never taste the sweet fruit of my labor.

Someone is always in need of help or it is tuition time.  Being pregnant and harassed by adult responsibilities is not a joke.

I would like to enjoy my young family like all married women do…

Is it a crime or a sin against humanity if i would request for my leash to be loosened and i will just focus on my husband and my growing belly with a swimming fetus for just one time in my life.

My parents expect me to be able to provide the scholastic need of a younger sibling just because they put me through a good school in my youth. 

But when can one ever say enough to the demands of the family and start focusing on one’s personal gain?

I want to be selfish for the sake of my baby.  Just this once, this one time in my life, i would like to earn and savor the rich life that i deserve and for this one time, enjoy the fruits of my hard earned money.

Life is not fair.  Have i been put in this nice job so that i can earn for the rest of my family?

I want to buy shoes and bags and nice clothes just like everyone else does.

Isn’t that the normal thing to do when you are working your butt off anyway?

I resolve to be selfish this time if only to ensure that i will be able to deliver in a nice facility and be able to welcome my little one in the most comfortable of clothes and facilities when he comes.

My child does not deserve to sacrifice for other people.  I am where i am because i tried so hard to reach my goals and to succeed in life.  No one with the power put me to where i am. This is purely because of my faith in myself and in my God.

At the end of the day, nothing else matters, but myself!

Because if i die helping others in their misery, they will never look back at me and comfort me when i suffer.

I know, i have been there and it hurts so bad when after all the sacrifices i have made for other people, i was alone when i was in need.

It is not a crime to save some for myself… this time it is just me!


daddy badoodles September 2, 2008

Posted by bebenibadoodles in infanticipation.
1 comment so far

Your birthday passed by without any wonderful surprise from me.  This year is just so different from the years that passed us by.  I like giving you surprises you know that and no matter how hard you try to deny, i know you are enjoying it and are enamored by the anticipation of what is to come.

This year, your life is changing right before your eyes.  Everything seems to be happening so fast… i wonder how you are coping!

I like it when you caress my enlarged abdomen and you say: “The miracle of motherhood.”

But i despise you the most when you ask me a favor and instead of the usual “Thanks bebeko” you unmindfully end up commenting how enlarged my belly has become.

For a moment, i want to wring your neck and tell you that this is all your fault and that the gradual loss of my womanly curves does not contribute to any insecurity that may arise.

But i guess that is just your way of trying to soothe the aches and pains that pregnancy is causing me day in and day out.

I enjoy the back rubs.  You may often doubt your ability to make my back pains go away when you say that “your have are untrained hands” and may force me into premature labor when you give me back rubs, but mind you, it is the most soothing touch i could ever ask for at this point in time.

You understand that i am going through something uncomfortable and the pain in my back is not something you can just dismiss, but this is what i have to say: i love being pregnant!

Sometimes i look at you and wonder how fatherhood will change your perception in life. I share your fears and your excitement.

We will be first time parents after all.

This pregnancy will be walking us through a lot of milestones… we are pregnant from April to January. That span takes us through our birthday, first wedding anniversary, christmas and new year no longer as a couple, but as a family.

I wish this child would come into this world looking just like you.  I wonder how it would be like to have a “mini you” running around the house and commanding our attention.

Life has always been great with you in my life and it is just getting better with each passing day.

You will officially be a Daddy next year and i am pure of excitement and anticipation of the happy life we are about to discover as husband and wife, but most specially as parents.

I love you and i always will… mag jowa forever!