Happy April Fool’s April 1, 2008
Posted by bebenibadoodles in Mental Detour.trackback
I am overwhelmed with gratitude to the many friends who have expressed their sympathy and offered words of encouragement after the recent trial in our life as a married couple.
Today is the first day of April… April Fool’s Day.
Looking back, we should have been progressing into the glory of being future parents to a budding life. But for the many times it has been said, i say it again: things happen for a reason. I have spent the entire month of March trying to find an answer to that so called reason – but i did not find any.
But despite the fear and the anxiety this experience has caused, i have learned to look at life in a different and more mature perspective. Suddenly, i have realized that death is inevitable and it comes in the most subtle and unexpected of ways.
When i got married, i thought that i was adult enough to handle my decisions and commitments on my own. But when i miscarried, i realized just how helpless and immature i am.
I fear for the future. Shall i be as stable and responsible as i believe i am?
Every morning comes with a new hope, but each morning draws me further and further into life and adulthood. My roles are complicating and my fears are escalating.
After that fateful morning of March 5, i wanted to run back home… home with my mother and be nursed like she used to do when i was living with them. I was just feeling so helpless and afraid that things might head for the worse.
March progressed through like a breeze and hell yes, i am still alive and on my toes.
The feeling of woe and and the unshakable fear of the unknown still haunts me from time to time, but i know better now… or perhaps i just know a little bit more.
Life still continues to move on and i go with the flow. Every day the challenges become more complicated. I am a soul at rest, completely surrendering my fate to divine intervention. Married life is not at all a box of my favorite goodies, but a handful of surprises that may trigger all the emotions that i have been hiding all these years.
Today i claim my fare share of happiness. I have grieved enough. Pehaps, someday in my journey through life i shall find meaning in my search of reason. But for now… i am just happy to still be here!
going badoodles 
natuwa naman ako, may lab interes pala si badoodles!!1
ayiii!!! kilig!
hi kingdaddyrich… saan naroon ang iyong kaharian? oh di ba, may love team din dito sa wordpress. natagpuan mo ang kalahati ng puso ni Badudels.
You cannot find the reason behind your miscarriage. Let me share you something, these were the words of Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios. He said in his Commencement address delivered at Stanford University on June 12, 2005;
“Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”
Take note, the reasons were very very clear after 10 years. I am not saying it will take you ten years to understand, I am saying a month of searching is not enough. Just take your time, by the time when you’re contented and happy, you will have the answer you’re looking for.
hi ilocano… i find wisdom in your comments. Thank you for the support. It means a lot… really.
..wow nmn po madam. veri touching po tong post u…in some part there are words of wisdom that children lyk me must know at an early age.. like life isn’t always easy as we always think..galeng….apeer po tau jan..i know u can move on.
hi batabatuta… masaya na masarap maging bata. minsan kasi yung mga bata want to rush things and be an adult agad. then they realize… mahirap pala. just enjoy your youth, minsan lang yan magdadaan sa buhay nating lahat. 🙂
i’m happy for you.. 😀
hi linglingbells… thanks much!
hi, it’s my second time here on your blog. and this would be my first comment (if you’ll approve this).
i just read kuya bosing’s post this morning. i’m sad to hear your loss. well, i know you’ve always wanted to have a child. but i think it’s not the right time. God has better plans for you and kuya bosing. have faith. He’ll give what your heart desires…
hi beero… as i have said before i marched down the aisle on our wedding day: “Lord, in your hands i commend my Spirit.” Tama ka, there’s a time for everything.
Thanks dito sa entry na to… minsan inaakala ko dami ko nang natutunan sa buhay.. Pero kapag may malalaking pagsubok na dumadating dun ko nalalaman ang tatag ko.. Na madami pa pala kong mapagdadaanan at maraming pang kelangang matutunan..
hi angel… we mature and become better persons everyday, but trials keep us strong and grounded to our faith. Dati akala ko kaya ko ang sarili ko at alam ko na lahat, hindi pa pala. Hindi pala sapat ang lakas lang ng loob para mabuhay. At the end of the day pag may issues ako kahit pa matanda na ako, kay Mama pa rin ang takbo ko.
Everything happens for a reason. In due time, you will be healed of the loss. Its good that you have accepted it now.
Take care!
hi leah… there’s always no other way than forward!
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